Personal post ahead. One of those. If you're not in the mood for love-y/broken heart stuff, press Ctrl+W or Command+W on Mac.
Somehow, I managed to get the first one out of my head. Forgot her. Not interested anymore. Listening to songs I associated to her and my time at uni doesn't provoke the same "nostalgia" anymore.
Was doing just fine.
then, a new cute girl was hired. A real cutie. Not a "hot damn that booty" cutie, a real one. I start feeling fuzzy. Again. Again, like the last time.
no no no no no no no. don't want. seriously. no. Last time it happened, it didn't go well.
We take the same bus to go to work. We talk through the factory together to reach our desks. At least we don't work together, not even on the same project. Everyday I rush to the bus stop, hoping to catch the same bus she's on. We don't talk during the travel. It's enough to see her smile to make me happy.
Thinking about it, I don't like this situation. Last time I had a crush on a girl, I left university to start working in how much time, 6 months? I don't have this luxury this time - I need the job, I have a house now and a mortgage to pay. Where the fuck would I go? The fuck away, in a different country? a different city? Fuck off.
It makes me furious that I never learned how to deal with this. She's not the last cute girl I'll ever meet in my life. Last time, I burned myself out, started thinking too much, exacerbated those feelings, had suicidal thoughts at one point. No, never again.
Fucking emotional labour. Fuck me and my isolation during my adolescence. Fuck me and living in bumfuck nowhere, my fucking laziness about driver licenses, and being a shy, useless boy. Fuck me and being more interested in computers than girls. Reap what you sow.
I better get her off my head, fast.
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